Friday, March 21, 2014

Shards

I wriggle in the over-stuffed chair, shifting my knees from side-to-side, searching for something to say to fill the silence.

My therapist gazes patiently at me. Long pauses don't bother her one bit.

"The thing is....", I begin.

She waits.

"The thing about blowing up your life is that you get to sift through the ashes, searching for the remains - the shards - that really mean something to you."

I speak in the second person, because it's too hard too say "me" or "I".  I pretend I'm speaking about some other person, a stranger I'm observing, perhaps.

"Interesting analogy", she says after a beat. "But it sound rehearsed, like you've said it before."

As usual, she's right. That little analogy is what I say to people who ask me how I'm doing.  I'm scrambling for the blessings in this mess, and that visual seems to relieve people of their worry.  They comment on how I'm being brave, how it's important to find the gifts in hardship.

With a sheepish grin, I nod.   "Yup."

"Tell me about the shards, then," she says.  "Which ones are most important to you?"

I brighten.  This is an easy one.  "My kids. My husband. My family. My friends."

"What isn't a shard that surprises you?"  she asks.

I think for a moment.  "My businesses. I mean, I still care deeply about Shining Strong, but it's in very capable hands. I want to keep making jewelry, but I feel so overwhelmed these days that I sit at my desk and just stare into space.  I'm done with all the crazy running around, and it's a relief."

She waits, poker faced, as I stare at my hands.  I sense I've answered wrong, and say so.

"Why do you think there is a right or wrong answer to my questions?" she asks in that infuriating rhetorical way that therapists have.

I look at her, helplessly, and shift my legs again.  I take a sip of tea.  "Well, because, you're clearly after something, and I don't know what it is."

"Ellie, we're talking about YOU.  Not me.  You do realize that, don't you?"

I stifle a surge of rage.  Of course I know we're talking about me. But, see, I don't know me very well anymore. I thought I did. I had it all worked out: mother, entrepreneur, recovery advocate, wife, daughter, friend.

She sighs. "I'm just wondering how come you aren't a shard, too", she says, quietly.

My eyes widen. "I didn't realize that was a option?" I stammer, as though her question were a multiple choice test.

"Exactly," she says.

As I drive home I realize the shard analogy is more than just a thing that I say to people. I feel shattered, stripped bare, raw. Things have happened. Things I won't talk about here.  Not yet.  I am keeping my life small, safe and very quiet.

I am trying to figure out how to just be.  Just be Ellie, whoever she is when the world isn't watching, when there are no demands for my time, when it's just me in my cozy home with my family.

I feel broken into a thousand shards myself, having fought as hard as I could against the pressures of the past few years, against my old nemeses depression and anxiety and addiction.

Words, for the first time I can remember, don't come easily.  All I know is that I give up.  And not in the scary way; in the healing way.  I feel like I have been trapped underwater, my foot tangled in weeds, with my lips mere inches from the surface.  I have struggled, kicked and thrashed as hard as I could thinking sweet freedom was just within my reach.

I didn't know that freedom would be mine if I would just stop kicking, let my body go limp and sink, loosening the hold these demons had on me.

I am a fighter. I've had to be.  For all the writing I have done about surrender, I missed something important: the bravest warriors know when to surrender.  Rushing headlong into a battle you can't win with brute force isn't courage, it's folly.

And so I sit. I sit in overstuffed chairs and wriggle. I sit in recovery meetings and listen. And cry. And talk.  I sit with the stillness of my life and the roaring silence in my mind.

And bit by bit, I pick up each shard, examine it, and ask myself where it fits with my life,  With me.

With whoever I am becoming.


35 comments:

  1. "I sit with the stillness of my life and the roaring silence in my mind."

    Beautiful.

    It's good to see you here, Ellie. You have been missed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Save My Broken Heart Of Marriage Today !!!


      Glorious be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Sarah from Taxes city usa. since 1 and a half year I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

      Delete
    2. I am Quarshie Roberta from united kingdom, my heart is filled with so much joy today because of what DR OKAYA has done in my life. I got married to my loving husband 4 years ago and we were living a happy life together as young couples and everything was moving on smoothly without know disturbance, two months later I went to check up in the clinic and the doctor confirmed that I am three weeks pregnant with my heart filled with joy and my face full of smile and laughter I run down home to brake the good news to my dearly husband and he was very happy about the news and that night is a night I will always live to remember, to cut the story short after I have put to birth he was very happy you to see our bouncing baby boy, but along the line and all of a sudden he started keeping late night and going to club and doing the things he don't use to do before, and one mourning I confronted him about his new attitude but he ignore my advice, but to my greatest surprise I discover my husband have a mistress in his working place and they were seeing each other after work hour. on one faithful night my husband came back home and started packing all his belongings and told me that he is tired of me that he is filing for a annulment not knowing that his mistress has cast love spell on him that was why he was acting strange so I told my friend Grace in my working place so she gave me this contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM and ask me to contact him that he will help me to bring back my husband in noon less than two days so when I got home I contact him and he told me that my husband is under a great love spell but he promise to help bring back my husband which he actually did within the period of two days. I was surprise to see my husband on one blessed mourning kneeling at my doorstep asking for my forgiveness saying it is the work of the devil that he did not know when he did what he has done and I forgave him and today we are living happily together. all thanks to great Dr. OKAYA for his great help in my family for helping me to restore my lost joy to my family, in-case you have similar case or even worst than my own your can contact him with his EMAIL ADDRESS: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM or through his phone number: +2348078291904

      Delete
  2. Ellie, I'm so glad to hear from you. Take the time you need, there's no hurry. Just check in on occasion. I think you're a perfectionist, so you don't want to post until you've crafted each word, each thought, perfectly. It's okay to post just to say that you're figuring things out.
    Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You, my friend, are amazing! When I explain to others an extremely low point of my life, I compared it to falling through thin ice, unable to breathe, I can see the hole in the ice where I desperately try to surface in order to take a breath. I was unable to get there by my own forces. It was when my family and friends (you included!) made that human chain across the ice and reached in with a life saving hand. I couldn't do it myself, regardless of my resolve. Grab that hand Ellie! We're here for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Save My Broken Heart Of Marriage Today !!!


      Glorious be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Sarah from Taxes city usa. since 1 and a half year I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

      Delete
  4. I follow your blog, I love it. But nothing about this recovery journey makes sense to me. I am not really happier in my sober life than I was in my drinking life. I celebrate and admire those who can be. I like to drink, I can't. It is not fair. Recovery and all the recovery lingo and bloggers and literature, etc. is not always helpful and is very complicated to me, I don't fit in either world....and maybe that is just the way it is... No one has all the answers ... being a human is a scary thing. Alcohol helps... until it doesn't and then we are left trying to find what does....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pure love...for this post and for you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am not sure what touched me more...your writing or the comment by Anonymous. Being a human IS a scary thing. We all go searching to find a way to fix it. We can't. We are born broken into a broken world. The surrender you speak of is what we all need. Surrender to a God who is the only one who can help with that brokeness. I believe we all walk and search to find that answer until we find it. Still praying for you Ellie, I have missed your words.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am so sorry you're struggling. When I got sober, I, too, filled my life up with busyness. I was on a medication, which also helped. But after three years of being sober, I had to take a leave from work this year, I just couldn't go back. I'm a square peg in a round hole where I work. I'm super sensitive, feel everyone's emotions, and life can be hard for those like me. And maybe you.

    But here's what my newer therapist/spiritual advisor/guru kind of guy taught me: I have to figure out how to be OK in a hostile energy world. And it's hard! But the more I cry, acknowledge my "dark night of the soul," the less anxiety I have. I have to still be careful what I expose myself to, I can't watch cruelty to animals, for instance, and I need to be in nature a lot and make sure I exercise, but I am ok with being in my dark night. I know blessings and lessons will come from this, so I stay home, make art, only do what I want until I go back to work, and heal. Heal from ignoring the pain of the world for 40 years. Heal from trying to drink it all away.

    John O'Donohue's works, written and audio, are a huge comfort to me. So are Thomas More's "Dark Night of the Soul," and "Care of the Soul." It's ok to be sad, it's ok to feel the pain of the earth. Some of us are born to feel this, and it won't kill us. But I always remember, drinking will only make things worse. At least now, no matter how sad I get, I am living an authentic life. Being honest with the me I am getting to know. And that is really our journey, isn't it? To grow, evolve, move on.

    I hope something I said may resonate with you. I wish you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beautiful post and writing and also touched by all the caring comments. What a great community here. Hope you continue to find what you need to heal. Thank you for sharing here.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sometimes the leaving is as necessary as the coming back. We learn from both. I try not to get too smug about the coming back, nor too harsh with myself about the leaving. And I really like you, friend.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Glad to hear from you. Your words are beautiful. There is no answer to life. Obviously not drinking is the right way so that is good. But it is not easy and the demons will be there every single day. Take time just to be. When your kids are at school, read a book, watch a movie, listen to music....it's OK. You don't always have to BE something or be doing something or going somewhere. You are a beautiful, wonderful person.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've read your blog for a while but haven't commented. This post made me come back twice. Thank you - you've articulated a lot of what's in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Good blog. Stuart A. Kaplowitz, MFT
    www.encouragingyourlife.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. Do You Need a Love Spell to Get Your Ex lover Back?

    My Name is Vicky Lorimer, I am From Manchester in United Kingdom.i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Brave for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after a week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Brave casted on him that make him to come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Brave for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact bravespellcaster@gmail.com. and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well written and I could identify quite a lot. I am a recovering alcoholic and I am also a writer. I have a recovery blog at http://www.essentialsofrecovery.com and I also run a writers blog where I post tutorials, competitions, poetry competitions, videos etc the url is http://www.seanocarolan.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Just within 48 hours my life that was almost a
    living hell became meaningful through the help
    of a great spell caster called Dr. Ekpen Temple, I am
    called Christina and I'm from USA, With total satisfaction of a
    job well done i am here to give a live testimony
    about Dr. Ekpen Temple and his great powers of
    restoring broken relationships or broken
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    email at ekpentemple@gmail.com And through
    this contact details you will have reasons to be
    grateful to Dr. Ekpen Temple for the rest of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I want to say thanks once again to this great man called Dr Abiza and his spiritual way of helping people am Sarah Jude from Japan i lives in USA with my husband we love each other and also he care about me always look forward to make things easy for both of us 9 years after our wedding, we both work harder to make a family greatest surprise, we have a kid after some times again, we have another one so with this, we live in peace and he was so honest to me shortly, he started misbehaving that i don't know what is going on then i asked him. Darling what is going on? you are so strange to me this few days hope i have not offended you? he said no. Not knowing he have and affair with one lady out side who promised him a car an apartment in one estate were i cannot see him also when he cannot see me i manage to stay with him pleading him he should forgive me if have wrong to him he started complaining he has no money that he has lost all his money in his business that he needs some money then i asked him how much is this money you are looking for? he did not know i can afford it. Then, he said $14,000USD i promised him i we give it to him just for him to care about his family. My greatest surprise, the next day, i went to work and our two kids were in school not knowing his going to leave the house before i come's back i met some of his things outside i was waiting for him to come back he never come back i cried i miss him so much and he have taking all my money away i was only left with $800USD. One day, as i was ready a blog i saw a testifier made by someone in Australia called Julie telling people about how this man call Dr Abiza helped her and the man's contact email was there and his mobile number then i contacted him for a help and really, he brought back my husband now am so happy my brothers and sister if you are in such relationship problem kindly via Email (drabizaspelltemple20@hotmail.com) he we help you solve all your problems Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  17. I want to appreciation to Dr.Agbazara of AGBAZARA TEMPLE for bringing back my husband who left me and the kids for almost 2 years. i never taught i would get him back untill i saw a comment online about dr.agbazara and i contacted him, after following all instruction given to me by Dr.Agbazara, my husband came back begging for forgiveness within the space of 48hours. Thanks doctor your spell is really great. For those of you who have marriage/relationship problem should contacct him for hel via (agbazara@gmail.com) OR call (+2348104102662). And experience it your self.

    AYE JAMES from USA

    ReplyDelete

  18. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com
    ,i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks..

    ReplyDelete
  19. HOW I GOT MY EX BACK!
    I lost my 6 year relationship during january this year. My ex left me with so much pain and since then I have been heart broken and shattered. I have contacted 2 spell casters and all they did was to rip me off my money without any result. I have emailed so many sites online looking for a good spell caster till I was directed by several testimonies to dr.sanuspiritualtemple@gmail.com. It was like dr.sanu had helped the whole world because everyone was talking about him and thanking him, I was not easily convinced until I contacted him and told him my problem, he was so confident about bringing my ex back to me. He told me to have faith and believe and that I will have my ex back, after that he told me he was going to cast a love spell. I am very delighted to tell that in approximately 48 hours my ex called me and was so eager to see me and when I met him he practically knelt down and apologized to me in the presence of of people at a restaurant. lol, that actually got me shy but I I felt warm and glad he could do that because I loved and will never stop loving him, I need him by my side always...I will advise you to contact dr.sanuspiritualtemple@gmail.com if you are out here seeking for help, trust me when I say a lot of these spell casters are fake but sincerely dr.sanu is real.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you drsacura from DRSACURATEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM you are the best
    spell caster that i have ever seen in my life the spell you casted for me
    have work very perfectly my ex boyfriend who left me for over 3weeks now is
    back and apologizing for me to come back to him that he is very sorry for
    the pain he cost me and i am so happy Doctor your spell is nice and make me
    fill alive again i will keep sharing you good work all over the world about
    the good spell you cast for me to get Alex back and i will also give your
    email address to everybody who is in need of help like you told me that you
    can cast a spell to bring ex back, Money spell, Protection spell, lotto
    spell, Good job spell, You want to have a baby spell, Love spell, and many
    other spell you told me you can cast for me if i need them i hope you will
    find a place to help other so they can give testimonies like me. Doctor
    sacura please help others many people are having problem try to get help
    from people but there is nobody like you to help them solve their problem
    like you do Dr sacura if anyone need the help of this nice man contact
    him via this email DRSACURATEMPLE@HOTMAIL.COM best regards to Dr
    sacura your child Ruth from USA

    ReplyDelete
  21. All my life i have never seen anything that work so fast like Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE spell. I am from USA and my name is Chris after contacting Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE then i started believing in the saying that every coin has two sides. When my lover left me she sworn never to come back to me again but thank God that through the help of Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE i have my lover back to me within 48 hours and i will also want other people that are heart broken to contact Dr. EKPEN TEMPLE through these details below which are via email: ekpentemple@gmail.com or via phone number on +2347050270218 then you can see the wonders of Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE.

    ReplyDelete





  22. My Name is Emil.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to Us the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com.Once Again His Email Address Is: agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. Am here on this site to tell the whole world about my experience with the great man be hide the success of my relationship whose name is Dr zizi. My relationship was in a big problem 3 months (91 days) ago, It took the assistance of Dr zizi before i could get my lover back. So i concluded to let the world know about Dr zizi and his powers. Well the contact details of Dr zizi are: drzizi@gmail.com or give him a call on +2348101814609. Through his help you will get your lover back just within 48 hours

    CONOR BROWM
    FLORIDA

    ReplyDelete

  24. !!! How Dr.Ukaka Save My Broken Heart Of Marriage Today !!!


    Glorious be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Sarah from Taxes city usa. since 1 and a half year I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com, for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Dahiru, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine, you can as well add him on facebook (Drdahiru Arewa) To enable you have a taste of his nice work too.

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  26. My ex-boy dumped me 7 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr OKAYA and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr OKAYA,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me and people are still talking about him on the Internet. OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM

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  27. I am Quarshie Roberta from united kingdom, my heart is filled with so much joy today because of what DR OKAYA has done in my life. I got married to my loving husband 4 years ago and we were living a happy life together as young couples and everything was moving on smoothly without know disturbance, two months later I went to check up in the clinic and the doctor confirmed that I am three weeks pregnant with my heart filled with joy and my face full of smile and laughter I run down home to brake the good news to my dearly husband and he was very happy about the news and that night is a night I will always live to remember, to cut the story short after I have put to birth he was very happy you to see our bouncing baby boy, but along the line and all of a sudden he started keeping late night and going to club and doing the things he don't use to do before, and one mourning I confronted him about his new attitude but he ignore my advice, but to my greatest surprise I discover my husband have a mistress in his working place and they were seeing each other after work hour. on one faithful night my husband came back home and started packing all his belongings and told me that he is tired of me that he is filing for a annulment not knowing that his mistress has cast love spell on him that was why he was acting strange so I told my friend Grace in my working place so she gave me this contact OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM and ask me to contact him that he will help me to bring back my husband in noon less than two days so when I got home I contact him and he told me that my husband is under a great love spell but he promise to help bring back my husband which he actually did within the period of two days. I was surprise to see my husband on one blessed mourning kneeling at my doorstep asking for my forgiveness saying it is the work of the devil that he did not know when he did what he has done and I forgave him and today we are living happily together. all thanks to great Dr. OKAYA for his great help in my family for helping me to restore my lost joy to my family, in-case you have similar case or even worst than my own your can contact him with his EMAIL ADDRESS: OKAYASPELLHELP@GMAIL.COM or through his phone number: +2348078291904

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  28. I'm fill with joy in my heart i want to use this opportunity as a way of appreciation for the help that Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE whose contact details are +2347050270218 or ekpentemple@gmail.com render to me. Few weeks ago i lost my lover to another guy but through the help of Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE i was able to get my lover back within the period of 48hours. Thank you so much Dr.EKPEN TEMPLE for a perfect work well done.

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