Two years ago I found the lump in my neck.
As with all life changing events, it seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago.
I still struggle. I still struggle with anxiety and depression about my cancer. Sometimes in the most ordinary moments I'm hit with the gut punch of oh my God, I had cancer.
Anniversaries like these send me into mini tailspins. I start feeling twinges and aches, obsessively feeling my throat: is that spot harder than it was before?
Very rarely am I at a loss for what to write, but these days I am. I am not sleeping well - a lovely combination of anxiety and the over-the-top menopausal symptoms that chemo and radiation caused. I am seeing doctors. I am taking safe and monitored medication. I am putting one foot in front of the other, and some days it's all I can do.
There are still many, many more good days than bad. But like it or not, anxiety has her hands wrapped around my throat again, making my world go a little grey.
So instead of writing, I will share what I read at BlogHer's Voice of the Year. Because I have to look back, but not stare. I have to remember the hope that is all around, even when the days are feeling hard. And I have to remember that no matter what, I'm here today and I have so, so many things to be grateful for: