Saturday, April 21, 2012

An Update and A Question For You

I'm sitting in my room, enjoying a book.  Sunbeams stream in through the window and warm my feet.

Outside I can hear the kids playing some elaborate make-believe game involving just about every stuffed animal we have in the house and the swing  set.  Their giggles ride the wind up through my window and they make me smile.

Listening to my kids' laughter makes my heart soar, when only a week ago in made me cringe with fear and desperate hope that I would be around to listen to them laugh for a long time.

Life is good.

It's hard to find words for how I have felt the past six days, since we got the news that I am in remission.

I feel as light as air on the inside.

I'm making plans for the summer with a sense of excited anticipation in my heart.

I know we did a good job concealing our stress and fear from the kids, because when we told them the good news, that the cancer was gone and I am in remission, they both smiled and said, simply, "Oh. Good!" before running off to do the next thing.

That's how it should be, for kids. They had faith in their heart this whole time that I would be okay, and they got that faith from us.  I'm proud of that.

My husband and I share secret smiles across the dinner table, and tender touches as we pass each other in the hallway.

Everything feels brand new.

Because of the weight loss, I went out and bought a tankini (is that what they are called?).  And it looks good.  I kept trying on smaller and smaller sizes and giggling like a lunatic in the dressing room.

I'm still mostly eating through the feeding tube, but trying valiantly to change that.   I discovered I can eat pancakes (YUM), as well as oatmeal, yogurt and blueberry muffins.   If I can keep adding to that list, the feeding tube should come out in a few weeks.   I still have a fair amount of pain in my mouth/throat, but it's slooooooowly getting better.  And dealing with just the pain, and not the additional stress of wondering what's going to happen to me, is so much easier.

One last thing- shortly I'll announce a fun thing I'll be doing with Heather this summer.  As part of that, I'm curious where you live?  Even if you've never commented before, can you leave a comment with where you are?  Make up a pseudonym if you want to - no need to use your real name - but I'm really curious where you all are from.   Will you do that for me?   Explanation to follow in another post.

In the meantime, I'm just going to keep on floating.....



171 comments:

  1. Oh what absolutely wonderful news!!! Thank god.

    I'm Gappy, I've been reading you for about two years I think, and I'm from Wales in the UK.

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    1. Hi Gappy. I'm in Wales, too. South Wales, specifically. Where are you?!

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  2. I am just so thrilled for you . . . especially for the joy you are feeling. Thank God for remission. And tankinis.

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  3. Glendale, CA.

    Glad to hear you're on the mend. I'm so happy for you.

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  4. Natick. :)

    Such great news for you!

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  5. Nice to read such an giggly happy post. I am in Hudson, MA.

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  6. I'm so glad you're happy joyous and free, in all aspects of your life! I'm from Atlanta, GA. Hope your days continue to see lots of floating :)

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  7. I'm in New Orleans. So happy for you and your family!

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  8. Whooohooooo to hear you're making summer plans gives me such joy!! I'm so happy that you're on this side of the battle, wow sister you've rocked my world, thank you so much for sharing as much as you could.
    I'm just outside of Toronto, Ontario

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  9. So happy to hear your good news and the peace it has brought you!
    from Carmel, Indiana

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  10. Bar Harbor, Maine. So happy to hear such good news. This post put a smile on my face. Wishing you continued joyous moments!

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  11. Lake Orion, MI. Started reading your blog about 8 months ago, yours was the first mommy/addict/recovery blog I read. I hit bottom in the ER, was still unable to stop drinking and was searching for....well, anything really. So glad I found your blog - it took a few more months, but I won my 2 month chip last week :) Can't explain how much this blog meant to that and how happy I am to hear of your heaven-sent news!

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  12. I'm a Dartmouth 92 who lives outside Buffalo. I looked up your blog after reading an article about you as a recovering alcoholic in some magazine. That article resonated with me because that COULD HAVE been me but for a couple of life circumstances that steered me away from that path. When I finally got around to looking up your blog, I was devastated to read about your cancer. I am so happy and relieved to read that you are in remission.

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  13. I love your writing and your jewelry.
    I'm from New Zealand.

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  14. I'm so happy for all of you.

    Have you watched "Crazy, Sexy Cancer"? You should.

    Wetaskiwin, Alberta, Canada

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  15. Very very very happy you are doing so well!!

    Leslie (who lives in Toronto)

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  16. Toronto, Ontario,Canada.

    I'm so happy to hear about the remission. A couple years ago, my husband ordered from you a bracelet with our children's names on it for my Christmas present. It is one of my favourite pieces!!

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  17. yayayayaya! Soooooo happy that you're feeling a lighter and making summer plans! This summer plan with Heather that you speak of makes me VERY intrigued! So intrigued that I'm now telling you both where I live. Guelph, Ontario. :)

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  18. Where I am from and where I live are two different places :) I current live near Detroit, Michigan.

    So glad you are in remission Ellie.

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  19. Hi, Ellie, so happy to hear this. I really am!

    I am in Cincinnati and the tears I am crying are happy for you so very happy and bitter sweet elsewise.

    Alexis

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  20. Cohasset (I found you through Damomma, whose writing I miss.) So so glad you are feeling better and eating.

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  21. Coming to you from Rockledge, Florida, the Space Coast. So very happy for your remission!

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  22. PEI Canada. So glad you are adding to your repertoire of "foods you can eat."

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  23. Big smiles and lots of love coming your way from this Canadian in Medicine Hat, Alberta

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  24. So delighted that you're healing enough to eat pancakes ~ YUM!

    Right up the road a piece in Portsmouth. The one in NH.

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  25. wonderful news & I read your postings from Spokane WA :*)
    xo

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  26. Charleston, SC. so happy you are in remission. Yay for looking forward.

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  27. as a cancer survivor myself, I know the unbelievable feeling of relief you describe. stay strong!

    Sarah - Green Bay, Wisconsin

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  28. SF Bay Area

    Congrats on being in remission; may the tests show that result for many many long years...

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  29. So happy for you!
    LuAnn,
    Mankato, MN

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  30. Ii am Maggie in Charlottesville Virginia.

    So delighted to hear all of your good news.

    Lots of XXOO

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  31. Wind Gap, PA is in awe of your strength, grace, and writing.

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  32. Such great news...so happy.

    michele from Northridge (L.A.) California
    (also on the BFB)

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  33. I'm Brigid from Brentwood, TN.

    Still exhaling with you.

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  34. Such great news, so happy for your 3rd chance Ellie. I'm loving my 2nd!!

    Trista

    Burbank, Ca

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  35. Loving your great news!! Waving from Vancouver BC Canada.

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  36. Wonderful to read about your improving health! From Somerville, MA.

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  37. So happy for you, Ellie! From Val in Melrose, MA

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  38. Hi Ellie - I'm in Chicago. My fantasy is that you are planning a trip, in which case you just have to come to CHicago! XO Diana

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  39. I'm -from- California, but I currently reside in Altamonte Springs, FL :) Very happy to hear you're in remission. Hugs and love!

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  40. Montgomery, Alabama. I love your writing. I'm trying hard to get better at mine, and you inspire me. Your honesty is so touching.

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  41. I've been with you since the Redbook article. I owe you a million THANK YOU's for putting yourself out there. I knew I had a serious drinking problem, but didn't want to admit that I was an alcoholic. You showed me that I don't have to be a bum on the street drinking mouthwash to be an alcoholic. I am seven months sober and am happier than I've ever been. From the Redbook article, I found your blog, which pointed me to the BFB, which got me to AA. So, you get a ton of credit for me getting to this blissful place in my life. Thank you!

    I am so happy that your cancer is in remission and that you are in such a great place right now. I think about you often and hope you are well.

    I am in Mooresville, NC.

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  42. I'm so glad you're in such a good place! Austin, Texas.

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  43. I think you've definitely experienced first-hand every mom's biggest fear and although your blog was almost hard for me to read at times, I so much appreciated your honesty throughout the whole ordeal. SO glad you got good news!! Love from Walla Walla, Washington!

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  44. SSSSSOOOOOO happy for you! I wish I could cook you anything and everything! Love you! Lisa (in Ashland, MA)

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  45. HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY!!!!! Kick this cancer's ass, Ellie!

    (I'm in Cleveland. Not entirely by choice, but, you know.)

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  46. What beautiful news!! I'm in Madison, WI.

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  47. I'm in Cambridge (MA, not England). I've been reading your blog for several years and have bought a few pieces of jewelry from you along the line (and need to order another soon!). I have laughed and cried with you over the past few months and am so, so, so happy things are turning out so well.

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  48. Wonderful Ellie! I'm so happy for you and your beautiful family. ♥

    I'm from Franklin, IN.

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  49. I am so happy for you! And your dear family! You are amazing! I read your blog, pray for you and celebrate with you from Tucson AZ

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  50. ELLIE! "Happy" doesn't begin to describe my emotions! Continued love and prayers to you and your family!!! Thank you SO much for all you share and the MANY you've touched!!!!
    XOXO
    Tammy Loro
    Arlington, Texas

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  51. xoxo from Portland, Oregon

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  52. Big Hugs from Bellingham, WA!

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  53. Much love to you Ellie, from Australia. {hugs} Helen

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  54. Happy cheers for your good news from Edmonton, AB, Canada. (Well, technically at the moment I am in the Netherlands but I live in Edmonton.)

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  55. Surrey, England : )

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  56. It's so good to read about you being in remission! Wishing you all the best and a speedy recovery,
    Meike in Hamburg (Germany)

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  57. Queensbury/Lake George, NY

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  58. Lancaster, PA. Thank you for taking us through to the other side.

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  59. living on the edge, which is where i like it, and in the day. quite an address, i guess

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  60. Miami Beach, FL. Thank you for helping us to appreciate the ordinary things in life.

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  61. So, so happy to hear your news. I live in Cambridge, MA. xox

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  62. I'm going to have a better day today after reading how you feel in your heart.

    I'm in the SF Bay Area.

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  63. So happy for you.... from Bloomsburg, PA

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  64. Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

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  65. That's wonderful!!

    I'm from Oregon

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  66. Yay! That is such great news! I am sincerely happy for you & your family.

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  67. Houston, Texas
    I'm so happy to hear about the remission!! I love reading your blog. I'm on the BFB board and FB and linked to your blog from there. I'm 6 months sober! Thanks for the inspiration.
    Janis

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  68. San Diego CA. You rock girl!

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  69. Wonderful! Mostly Connecticut, part time Grimstad, Norway.

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  70. Baltimore MD

    Thank you for sharing your story - yours was the sober woman blog i found first and it helped me tremendously. Sober since 9-1-11.

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  71. So much good news in this post it feels like getting doused with sunshine.

    You know where I am and you girls BEST be comin'!!!

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  72. So happy for you! I'm from San Diego, CA area :)

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  73. Happy for the good news!

    New reader from Union Ohio (North of Dayton)

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  74. I'm Julie, I'm from San Diego. Still having trouble figuring out how to set myself up, even to comment, but...am so happy about the outcome for you and your family. And I love the way you describe smaller bathing suit sizes. I hope you get to spend lots of time this summer relaxing, vacationing, and healing yourself in the sun and water (with of course the appropriate sunscreen:).

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  75. Your blog inspires me to never take my 4 kids for granted. I wish you well.
    Bethany in Greensboro, NC

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  76. I am in south Dakota, soon to move to Vermont, and have been following you for several years. We prayed for you and congrats on your outcome.

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  77. Whitman, MA 02382 :) Keep on floating!!

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  78. Just enjoy everyday, from the Ct. shoreline!!!

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  79. Am so happy for you and your family! Southampton, UK

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  80. FOund you through "the Mom Creative". Happy for your family and for you for your great news and renewed hope. I am from upstate NY.

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  81. Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire, England.
    I hope your summer is fantastic :-)

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  82. So glad you are feeling excited about the summer! Totally curious about your upcoming project. I live in Newtown CT.

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  83. Gladtone, Missouri. It's a suburb of Kansas City, Missouri.

    Brandy

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  84. La Belle France!! Though sometimes she's quite La Bête! I cannot tell you what joy it was to know that you received the remission news, and congratulations in so many ways. Such courage and honesty you have shown us, yourself & your family. It's a legacy you shouldn't downplay. Gros bisous. :) L

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  85. What an amazing post! So glad of the joy in your everyday life right now. Can't wait to hear what you have up your sleeve ... I'm in Winston-Salem, NC.
    Lee Ann

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  86. There are a lot of overseas friends 'round these parts.

    You know where I am. The Minnaaahsoohhhtaaahhh. Can't wait for summer...

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  87. Hey Ellie,
    Fandango Travelers are from Terlingua, Texas. However, we are truck drivers and never there. Sitting in Southern Indiana right now.

    Jana

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  88. Hi Ellie,

    Your good news made my weekend. I've been reading your blog for months and I'm just thrilled for you. You're an inspiration, in so many ways.

    Sending you love, peace and hope,

    Maggie O'Brien
    Omaha, NE

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  89. So glad to hear you are feeling better and are in remission!

    Shawnee, KS

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  90. Congrats on your continued recovery! Best wishes from near Morgantown, WV!

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  91. Just started reading your blog this year, was so happy to hear your good news! Hillsborough, NJ

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  92. Beyond happy for you Ellie. Enjoy making your summer plans! I'm also in Massachusetts. Framingham.

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  93. So glad to hear, always hoping for the best. I'm in San Jose, CA.

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  94. Such great news! I'm in Natick, MA too....

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  95. Christy from Abilene, Texas.
    I'm so happy to hear your good news! I've followed you for about a year, and have been holding you in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

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  96. Krystal from Wichita, KS. I ordered several of your jewelry pieces after finding you through DaMomma (miss her!). Your story has inspired me beyond words. I struggle with food addiction and have taken great solace in your words and your recovery. I have prayed many prayers for your healing and will continue to do so! God is good!

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  97. I am so happy for you and love the reaction you shared from your children. You have kept them afloat with hope.
    I'm in Michigan.

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  98. Eagan, Minnesota. You are an inspiration and I'm so happy for you.

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  99. Simone from Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia!

    You are an amazing person and I'm really glad you are in remission.

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  100. Originally from MA, now living in NH.
    And you could have said "Could you stand on your head, snap a photo, and email it to me?" and I would have done it, you know.
    So, so, so happy for you and your family.
    Lots of love.

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  101. Hi Ellie,

    Like so many above, I found you years and years ago through Damomma, and am so delighted and relieved to read about your remission!

    I live in South Windsor, CT.

    Lindsey

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  102. I, too, am very happy to hear about your remission. I mostly lurk, sorry. You are in my prayers, though. Oh, from Beemer, Nebraska.

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  103. I'm from Geneseo,IL. Closest towns near me are better known as the Quad Cities or Home of John Deere. Straight west of Chicago along the Mississippi River.

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  104. LIncoln, Nebraska - So thankful and so happy for you, Ellie!

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  105. Madison WI, but you already knew that. Are you going on tour with your new skinny healthy self? oh please oh please!

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  106. Hi, I am from Clarkston, Michigan, which is about an hour north of Detroit. :)
    Andrea

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  107. Indianapolis, IN
    Wendy

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  108. Joanne in Northern Indiana!

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  109. Calgary, Canada!

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  110. Ellie - I'm a childhood friend of damomma from Wellesley, MA. You are amazing!

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  111. I live in Brooklyn, NY. We met briefly in the Serenity Suite at Blogher in San Diego. I think you or Deb Anderson were holding someone else's baby at the time.

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  112. Charlottesville VA

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  113. It's so exciting to "feel" your enthusiasm and lightness. Congrats, again, Ellie!

    Jess/JC from Des Moines, Iowa

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  114. Hi - Beth from Bradenton, Florida. Love your writing and couldn't be happpier for you and your family. Wishing you all the best!!!

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    1. Hey! I know you!

      Lakewood Ranch, FL
      :)

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  115. Courtney in CreteApril 23, 2012 at 3:55 PM

    I'm an American ex-pat living in Heraklion, Crete, but I'm moving to Amsterdam this August. I'm glad you're doing so well!

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  116. I am in Kincardine, Ontario Canada :)

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  117. Oh how I love the joy jumping off the screen!

    I live in Denton, TX.

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  118. So glad you are doing well!

    I am in Pittsburgh, PA

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  119. I'm so happy to hear you're in remission! I found you thru Rage Against the Minivan and have been praying for your recovery and healing. I'm from Ashburn, VA

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  120. So glad to hear your good news! I'm in Nashville, TN

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  121. I'm so happy you are doing well!
    Bellingham, Washington, up near the Canadian border.

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  122. So happy that you're able to relax and enjoy life for awhile. I read your posts from Montgomery County, Maryland.

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  123. I love the floating. Enjoy the floating.

    (I'm in MN. :))

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  124. New Hampshire! So glad to hear your news!

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  125. Saint Paul, Minnesota. Sending happy thoughts and wishes to you for a fantastic summer!

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  126. Canada Steph
    Toronto, ON
    All the best to you!

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  127. New Jersey

    SO happy for you!! Enjoy and be well.

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  128. What wonderful news! Thanks, as always, for sharing your journey.

    Richmond, VA...been following along for a little more than a year,

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  129. Hi Ellie,

    I've followed your journey, or should I say journeys? I am grateful that you are in remission. At the same time, I'm still fighting the monkey on my back that is beatable. And I am not winning. You must have a new outlook on beating enemies that are within, like cancer, and enemies that can be stopped if one just chooses to not pick up.
    I call Oregon home.

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  130. Tromsø, in the north of Norway. It's still winter here, by the way! :)

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  131. Good to hear that life is good and not so scary now. I'm in Ellisville, MO.

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  132. Chatham, MA (Cape Cod)
    So very happy that you are in remission!

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  133. Congrats and Blessings,
    Richmond, Virgnina

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  134. Great news! Good luck! North Conway, NH

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  135. So glad to hear your wonderful news! I cannot imagine your happiness and relief. You have been so, so brave.
    -Lisa, Hod Hasharon, Israel

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  136. So pleased to hear your good news! My husband had a similar type throat cancer 7 years ago - also treated sucessfully and is now the fittest he has ever been in his life. Climbing mountains and literally glowing with health! Embrace and rejoice in your new found joy of life xx

    Lots of love to you and your family from us in Edinburgh, Scotland.

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  137. So very happy to hear your wonderful news!

    Jen from Minnesota

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  138. So glad to hear the good news!
    Take care
    Julie from Medfield

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  139. You are a strong and courageous warrior!
    A great big hug from Vancouver, Canada

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  140. What wonderful news, Ellie. I admire your strength and dignity so much xx
    I'm an Australian ex-pat living in Scotland, United Kingdom.

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  141. So glad to hear your good news. I'm Irish, and living in London, UK. I found you first on cryingoutnow, when I was desperately searching for a way to stop drinking. I'm nearly 58, and have been a drinker for 45 years, but now sober for 11 months. If I can do it, then believe me, anyone can!

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  142. So glad for you that things are turning around for the better. Contests on the teeny tankini too!
    I live smack dab between Baltimore and Washington DC.

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  143. I love following your blog! and I'm so happy you beat that stinkin' cancer. I live in downtown Fort Worth, TX

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  144. I have been reading One Crafty Mother for a few years now and I absolutely love the way you describe your life's journey in such beautiful honest detail. You inspire me! I'm so glad to read that you are in remission yay! Oh and I'm from New South Wales, Australia :)

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