I'm sitting in my room, enjoying a book. Sunbeams stream in through the window and warm my feet.
Outside I can hear the kids playing some elaborate make-believe game involving just about every stuffed animal we have in the house and the swing set. Their giggles ride the wind up through my window and they make me smile.
Listening to my kids' laughter makes my heart soar, when only a week ago in made me cringe with fear and desperate hope that I would be around to listen to them laugh for a long time.
Life is good.
It's hard to find words for how I have felt the past six days, since we got the news that I am in remission.
I feel as light as air on the inside.
I'm making plans for the summer with a sense of excited anticipation in my heart.
I know we did a good job concealing our stress and fear from the kids, because when we told them the good news, that the cancer was gone and I am in remission, they both smiled and said, simply, "Oh. Good!" before running off to do the next thing.
That's how it should be, for kids. They had faith in their heart this whole time that I would be okay, and they got that faith from us. I'm proud of that.
My husband and I share secret smiles across the dinner table, and tender touches as we pass each other in the hallway.
Everything feels brand new.
Because of the weight loss, I went out and bought a tankini (is that what they are called?). And it looks good. I kept trying on smaller and smaller sizes and giggling like a lunatic in the dressing room.
I'm still mostly eating through the feeding tube, but trying valiantly to change that. I discovered I can eat pancakes (YUM), as well as oatmeal, yogurt and blueberry muffins. If I can keep adding to that list, the feeding tube should come out in a few weeks. I still have a fair amount of pain in my mouth/throat, but it's slooooooowly getting better. And dealing with just the pain, and not the additional stress of wondering what's going to happen to me, is so much easier.
One last thing- shortly I'll announce a fun thing I'll be doing with Heather this summer. As part of that, I'm curious where you live? Even if you've never commented before, can you leave a comment with where you are? Make up a pseudonym if you want to - no need to use your real name - but I'm really curious where you all are from. Will you do that for me? Explanation to follow in another post.
In the meantime, I'm just going to keep on floating.....