Monday, August 1, 2011

How To Prepare for A Blogging Conference In 44 Easy Steps

In less than 48 hours I'm going to BlogHer in San Diego. 

I have been to a grand total of three blogging conferences now - this one makes my fourth - and I'm starting to notice a trend in my pre-conference weirdness preparations.  For any of you attending your first conference, I thought it may be helpful to share them with you:

THREE WEEKS BEFORE LEAVING FOR CONFERENCE:

1) Make a well organized and lucid checklist of everything to bring to the conference.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THREE WEEKS BEFORE AND TWO DAYS BEFORE:

1) Lose checklist.

TWO DAYS BEFORE LEAVING FOR CONFERENCE:

1) Gaze thoughtfully into mirror and notice self for the first time since the last conference.
2) Frantically call every hairdresser in town to schedule an appointment to foil hair.  
3) Buy expensive wrinkle cream.
4) Open cosmetic travel bag and find exact same cream purchased for last conference.
5) Stare into closet with glazed expression. Search for perfect outfit to present sleek, put-together look.
6) Realize you do not own one single "outfit". 
7) Drag unhappy children to trendy boutique.  Pay too much for sexy top. 
8) Hang sexy top next to last year's sexy top, which was never worn because it didn't feel like you.
9) Remember you are recovering people-pleaser and tell self people will have to accept you for who you are.  You are YOU.  You are authentic.
10) Notice wardrobe contains only black pants, black Capris, black shorts and earth tone tops. Wonder if you really have to be that authentic.
11) Apply wrinkle cream before bed.

ONE DAY BEFORE LEAVING FOR CONFERENCE:

1) Wake up and generously apply wrinkle cream.
2) Stare into closet with glazed expression.
3) Call blogging friend to talk about how you really should be packing.
4) Drag unhappy kids back to boutique to purchase trendy, uncomfortable shoes to draw attention away from black pants and earth tone tops.
5) Engage in pre-flying obsessive/compulsive thinking.
6) Kiss the kids goodnight and attempt to ignore thoughts of a fiery plane crash death.
7) Call blogging friend to talk about how you really should be packing.
8) Try on pointy uncomfortable shoes.
9) Fall down.
10) Stay up too late writing a blog post about going to blogging conferences.
11) Apply wrinkle cream.

TWELVE HOURS BEFORE LEAVING FOR CONFERENCE:

1) Open empty suitcase.
2) Remember all the laundry is dirty. 
3) Start laundry. 
4) Call blogging friend to talk about how you really should be packing.
5) Take clean clothes from dryer and stuff into suitcase.
6) Pack enough shoes for a one month stay.
7) Ponder luggage weight limit.  Shrug and leave everything in suitcase.
8) Apply wrinkle cream generously.
9) Get into bed and lie with eyes open until alarm goes off.

DAY OF CONFERENCE:

1) Apply wrinkle cream.
2) Fend off flying jitters with thoughts of how much more talented/funny/popular everyone else is than you.
3) Totter off plane in trendy, uncomfortable shoes.
4) Purchase band-aids for blisters.
5) Enter hotel wearing mask of bored self-confidence.
6) Flee to room and apply wrinkle cream.
7) Stare with glazed expression at clothes in suitcase.
8) Try on sexy top. 
9) Discard sexy top and pointy shoes.
10) Wear black pants, earth tone top and sensible shoes.
11) Take deep breath.
12) Enter conference with mask of bored self-confidence.
13) See a friend.
14) Realize it is all going to be okay. 

14 comments:

  1. LOVE. Can't wait to see you. We can share wrinkle cream.

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  2. Precious! I haven't ever been to a blogher conference, but would love to one of these days.

    Will enjoy all of the posts from everyone in the coming days! (well some of the posts ...) :)

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  3. OMG...so funny...there's nothing like a good wrinkle cream! Pick up Garnier Anti-Dark-Circle Eye Roller if you see it = magic. Have fun!

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  4. I love this! You've just described my preparation for every outing I've ever been on.

    BTW - I just got my earrings AND I LOVE THEM! They're even more beautiful than in the pictures in your store!

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  5. Ann's right--this is hilarious.

    Does wrinkle cream work on your thighs, too?

    Hope to meet you at BlogHer.

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  6. I have done everything but pack. I am even planning to work a half day before getting on the plane. I think my nervous system thinks that if I don't THINK about the conference (where did I put my badge again?) then I can't get anxious.

    It is wrong.

    Hope to see you in San Diego and compare sensible shoes!

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  7. THIS? Was AWESOME!

    And I've only been to one blogging conference. Someday I'm going to go and see you, hug you and not let go the ENTIRE TIME!

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  8. This is so awesome. I could copy the list word for word, except please add zit cream as well. I have one so large on my left cheek right now that I've decided to name him Harvey and introduce him as my blogging assistant to everyone at BlogHer.

    Hilarious.

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  9. I adore this post! So entertaining to read while putting it all in perspective. See you at BlogHer! I'm on the plane as we speak..I mean as I type.... :-)

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  10. Looking forward to squeezing you soon!
    (Please pass the wrinkle cream.)

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  11. Oh my goodness, thank you for the huge belly shaking laugh.. My dogs even came running in when I made that loud snort noise three times in a row. And you look great in earth tones.

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  12. So this wrinkle cream... does it work? Because that really is a ringing endorsement.

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