I promise I won't only talk about food, or lack of food as the case may be, all the time.
Oh, denial, you sneaky bastard. Turns out I eat more often than I realize. The chipper Jenny Craig consultant has a whole term for it. I'm an unconscious eater.
I'm one of those people who doesn't pay much attention to food at all. One would think that is enough to not develop a weight problem, but that isn't accurate. I don't pay any attention to what I'm eating. So much so that throughout the day and evening I'm eating more than I realize - little bits here and there that all add up.
With further inspection, it turns out that I have a little justification problem. As in - I'll work out for an hour, and then use this as a reason to justify snacking whenever I feel the slightest bit hungry. Add this to a portion control issue (I worked out this week! I can have more!) , and it's a perfect storm.
So one day I get brave enough to actually see how much I weigh, and I'm about twenty pounds heavier than I thought I was. You know, cause I don't eat very much. Riiiiiiight.
Just like when I got sober, I'm feeling a hole in my life. It's not as bad - not nearly as bad - but it's an emotional gap. I feel a bit like someone has chopped off a limb. I go to reach for something and realize: oh yeah, I can't do that anymore. No arm. I unconsciously went to the pantry and the fridge several times today, gazing at the food without thinking. Unconscious eater, indeed.
Besides, they are smart, these weight loss program consultants. She handed me a list of "unlimited foods" - foods I can eat all I want, as much as I want. She had a huge smile on her face, like I'd won the lottery. The freaking carrot stick lottery. But I like the idea of being told I can have as much as I want of anything.
So you may want to take out stock in vegetable futures, cause they're gonna go up.