Today is a new day, and an opportunity for a fresh start.
Yesterday was baaaad. I feel odd complaining about the drudgery of life, because I know - I do, truly know - that things could be so much worse. But sometimes it all catches up to me, and if I don't vent it out, talk about it, I get into trouble. I went to be early last night just be done with the day. It was one of those days - and thankfully they don't happen often - when I thought about drinking. Just one. Just one to take the edge off. I didn't come close to drinking, but I hate it when my mind goes there. HATE it.
Today the sun is shining, I'm rested, and I'm trying to look at things with a new perspective.
We all fell asleep early (Steve was working late). Today, as I'm driving him to school, I realized I had to make some kind of change. Finn and I are miserable on the days we're together all day. I'm tired of feeling guilty about that, as much as I'm sure he's tired of being in trouble a lot.
I'm going to look into sending him to school another half day per week, so he would go three half days instead of four. I don't know that I can afford it, but I'm going to try. I have resisted this idea, thinking that I should be able to handle it, four full days home with a 4 year old kid. But I can't. And it's okay.
I'm stuck. And when I'm stuck I'm trying to try a new tactic: change something. Move a piece on the gameboard of life around and see what happens. I can always move another piece if I need to, down the road.
So we'll see. Thanks again to everyone for all the support - through comments and emails. It really helps to know I'm not alone.