Sunday, February 7, 2010

Nano-Nano Technology

I'm sitting here trying to watch the Super Bowl. I so do not care about the Super Bowl. I just don't want to be left out of the buzz about the commercials, like I was last year. Everywhere I went people were laughing knowingly with each other, like the world had experienced one big inside joke and I missed out. So I'm watching the commercials, dammit. I want to fit in. I really do.

I have to come clean, though, and admit that I don't understand half of what is going on on any given day. I'm not hip. Do they still say hip?

Confession #1: I don't know how to text. I've never texted (okay, once I did, under duress, and it took me half an hour to type one sentence). Occasionally one of my friends will forget I live in the dark ages and will send me a text. My phone makes this strange beeping sound, and words - WORDS! - appear on the screen. I run around a lot flapping my arms in excitement, but I don't know how to text them back. Even if I did know how to text, I don't know the 'code', or the 'jargon' or whatever the hell it's called. Until about three months ago I honestly thought BFF meant something really, really dirty. And I thought FML meant something sweet and nice. See? I'm a lost cause. If you had to Google FML to figure out what it means - call me. We can start a support group.

Confession #2: I don't know what Bluetooth means. I know it's something cool, important people have which makes me want some Bluetooth, just on principle, but I have no idea what it is.

Confession #3: While we're on the topic of technology, please don't make me talk about computers, ever. I went out to research laptops recently. A kid literally one-third my age was asking me how many 'gigs' I wanted, and if I was interested in 'hyperweave' technology. "Gigs, yeah, gigs. Cool. Yeah, get me some of those," I stammered. "I basically just need it for typing," I admitted. "Do people still call it typing?" He looked at me like I had lost my mind, so I tried to cover with a little humor. "Can I listen to albums on it?" "Is it compatible with my hearing aid?" He didn't laugh, but he did speak a little louder.

Confession #4: I don't watch LOST. I've never seen it, because it's premise is based on a plane crash, and that is all I need to know about it. I don't do plane crashes. Speaking of television, I've never seen 'Glee', or 'Heroes', or '30 Rock'. Since we're being honest, here - want to know my favorite show that isn't Celebrity Rehab? Dancing With The Stars. Go ahead - de-friend me or unfollow or do whatever it is you have to do. I just can't pretend anymore.

Confession #5: Twitter makes me nervous. I feel such pressure. 140 characters or less? Seriously? Also, I don't get enough validation on Twitter. I put some little 140-character-or-less message out into Twitterdom, and then I refresh over and over like a junkie wondering if anyone will reply. Did I do it right? Is anyone out there? At least on Facebook people freaking answer me. I am way too needy for Twitter. I'm Tweedy. If you want to keep me from the depths of humiliation and despair give a little shout-out (do they still say shout-out?) to @onecraftyellie. Who knows, the life you save may be mine.

But all is not lost. I can rock Facebook like nobody's business. I finally know what people are talking about when they say "there's an app for that". I will occasionally say "FAIL" or "WIN". Besides, I read somewhere that Mood Rings and Lava Lamps are making a comeback. So I just need to sit tight. I was way cool in the seventies.



  1. I am with you. I watch the superbowl every year for both the game and the commercials. It's the only game I watch....I'm a bad fan that way.

    I don't text either, and I did have to google fml. I also don't twitter, I just don't get it.

  2. I haven't tweeted in sooooo long.
    I WILL look for you to "friend" you on Facebook.
    We used to have a guy at work who would mix up Facebook & Myspace. He called it MyFace.

  3. I laughed a whole lot while reading this. Not because I'm making fun of you, but because you're funny.

    I don't know how often I ask my young (19) cousin "do people still say that?" He just rolls his eyes at me.

    Word 'em up. (whatever that really means)

    Also, you cannot tell me you have a playlist on your ipod (see? you're HIP, you have an ipod!) and then not tell me what songs are on it. Not allowed. I will be refreshing the page until I get an email with a list of songs. (I mean, no pressure-when you have time.) OR, we could discuss it on Twitter. You give me 140 characters of songs at a time, and I'll answer each and every tweet with ooohs and aaaahs. You know, so you don't feel tweedy :)

  4. Actually, Heather - YOU are the hip one. I copied the link from the playlist on your most recent post, and I'm adding a playlist to my sidebar! :) I have so many artists that I'd like to add, but some of my favorites aren't on Check out Griffin House (the artist's name) - the songs Ordinary Day, New Day and so many others are amazing. My new favorite song is "Life, Love, Laughter" my Donavon Frankenreiter. I'm adding a bunch to my sidebar playlist, too. Then I'm adding the ones from your post today - they are BEAUTIFUL.

    Feel free to oooh and ahhh at my Tweets, though, like some kind of cyber-therapy. :) Cause, you know, it's all about me.

    I feel much less Tweedy, or in this case, Bleedy.


  5. Oh, you just made me feel so much better about my own lack of cool. :)

  6. Ok you are so cute and funny and while I am also a mad FB'er, and I a fast thumb on the text - I did not know FML. so I googled it.

    I'm pretty Tweedy too and I don't really get why I do it. But hey, I'm trying. FML!

  7. Ellie,
    This is a great post. I have a 12-year old who thinks I am horribly uncool. This just confirms his opinion. :) I don't care, however....aren't Moms SUPPOSED to embarrass their kids?

  8. Oh, you made me smile. I just asked my youngest son a few days ago what FML meant. The message on my cell phone says something like "I can't remember my password so hedge your bets by leaving a message that I can retrieve it." I have no idea how many messages are on it because I don't know how to get them. This was a brilliantly written post.

  9. You are CRACKING me up. I know a few of the things you don't know...but I'm definitely not hip. You are more hip than me with your Ipod. Probably I will get one of those about the time they come out with an implantable chip that's equipped with every song ever sang, ever. I'll think the Ipod is less invasive than the brain-chip while all the youngsters are clamoring for their implant surgery. But then I will fall so low into un-hipness that I may be lost forever. Will you visit me there?!

    It's OK if you say no...even I barely understood what I just wrote. It's getting to be past my bedtime. (Is it uncool to go to bed before 10pm on a Friday?)

  10. LOL! I'm right there with you. We can turn the tables on everyone, and make un-hipness the new hip. Everyone will want to be us. :)